Author: lindsay

the light shines in the darkness

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The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

This sentence from John 1 has been on replay in my mind the past month. I can’t shake it, and really I don’t want to.

I’m a take it, do it, check it off, move on to the next one type of girl. Or at least, that’s how I tend to operate when I’m trying to keep pace with everyone else.

But every once in a while (and more often I hope), I get the sense that I just need to dwell. That there is more for me in this place, with these words or day or taste or smell or sight.

This verse came to mind the week before Christmas. I was looking through pictures of my trip to India, and came upon one I took at sunset. The sun’s last light is shining across the mountains, dancing across rooftops in the town nestled in the valley below. 

I thought about the darkness that many of JOYN’s artisans have lived through, and how now their stories radiate light and joy. All because light came to them in the midst of their darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. 

My life radiates light for the same reason. I was darkness, and now I am a child of light. All because light came to me. It shines in my darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

As I’ve been dwelling on this verse the past few weeks, a few thoughts have come to mind:

The author writes that light shines, using present tense. Since the verses prior describe the light as the Word, which is Jesus. John tells us that the Word was with God in the beginning, so we see that light has been with God since the beginning. For all of eternity past, light shines in the darkness. And today, and tomorrow and for all eternity future, light shines in the darkness. It is the very nature of light to do so. It will never not shine in darkness while darkness still exists.

In the same way, the darkness has not overcome it. The darkness has not ever in all its existence up until this point ever overcome the light. And since the light will always shine in the darkness, the darkness has not, is not and will never overcome it. The sun always rises and drowns out the night.

To shine in darkness, the light must go to darkness. It must go to places that are hurt and broken and uncomfortable. The places where evil has a foothold. The light shines in those places and brings hope, healing, redemption and true life. The life of Jesus was spent in those places- healing the broken, and bringing restoration and hope. They were not the easy places to be, but He is the light of the world and it is his very nature to shine light into darkness.

As children of the light, as ambassadors of Christ, as people created in the very nature of God, we are called to be light in darkness as well. We are called to minister to the broken, the hurting, the poor, the fatherless, the widow. We are called to walk into places that evil has claimed and proclaim freedom and love. And we need not be afraid, for the light of life, Jesus, is with us. And the darkness has not, is not and will never overcome. The light has been, is and will be ultimately victorious.

This verse is what I want my life to be about. It could look like loving a hurting co-worker, inviting strangers into your home for a meal, moving to a crime-ridden part of town or speaking truth to a friend who is bound by lies. Regardless of the actual circumstances, I want to live as a child of light, unafraid of the darkness. I want to be a part of God’s plan to restore all things.

the eye of the storm

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My heart is a storm.

Dark and raging, swirling, battered by unrelenting waves that pound against my identity every second of every day .

Spinning, struggling, striving and confusion reign as the strong winds catch me once weakness sets in. Unprepared for the blow the gusts snatch me off my feet and now I am one with the storm. Tired of fighting, I give in to the swirling and let myself be carried away.

And then for a moment, all is quiet.

From a birds-eye view I see an image of myself in the eye of the storm, hunkered down. Knowing the storm is raging around me, yet I am at peace, I am calm.

The moment passes and the roar of the wind becomes deafening. The tightness in my chest grows larger as I wonder how I got stuck in the storm with no direction out. I am empty. I have nothing left to give since I have spent everything fighting the storm, fighting to regain control.

Be still, and I will fight for you, I hear.

I don’t have time for that, I say. Not today. Not really. You are not what I need right now. I can take care of it.

Notice the lilies, I hear. How they grow, yet they do not toil or spin. Are you not more valuable than they? Will I not clothe you with more beauty than they?

I am spinning because I have lost control. Yet, the truth is that I was never in control to begin with.

The tides are shifting. I can feel it. I can slowly see the winds change. I don’t know where the wind is blowing, and the unknown scares me. I have been spinning trying to chase the wind. I’ve been trying to chase it, and catch it, and bottle it up and point it only in the direction that I know and trust and makes sense.

Drenched and battered, exhausted, I crawled to the eye again this morning. I knew I couldn’t survive much longer like this; the waves in my heart and soul, on the verge of exploding and taking down every one in their path.

Do not be anxious, I heard. For who by worrying can add one hour to his life?

This time I listened. I confessed. I repented. And slowly my white-knuckle grip on control began to loosen. As it did, a gentle wind passed over me, chilling my cheeks and ruffling my hair as it gently stripped control from my fingers.

This time, I let it go without a fight.

january goals

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It’s a new year, a fresh start. Our planet made another successful orbit around the sun, and here we are in 2014. We’re three days into January, and my social media feeds have been inundated with resolutions, hopes, dreams and goals for this upcoming year. When it comes to resolutions, and more specifically goals (since that’s what I’m working on here), I’m learning that I have a mixed heart. There’s part of my heart that feels a rush of energy, charged up with a chance for change, a new beginning. That part looks forward in anticipation and excitement of what’s to come. And then there’s part of my heart that cowers in anxiety. A part that wants to hide, and cringes at the thought of making goals because the fear of not achieving them is, in that moment, paralyzing.

I’m learning the balance. The balance between to-do lists that cause busy-ness and a false sense of worth, and practical steps toward maximizing gifts I’ve been given. I’m asking the question:

Am I investing my resources into the things I say I care about most?

Are the things on my list of goals steps toward bigger picture dreams, toward what I want my life to look like, toward uncovering desires that have been stirring in my heart…. or are they just tasks to fill a day and make me feel like I’m someone important?

For me, as I think about goals for this month, and overall into the next year, that is the most important question I could ask. Do the goals have real purpose, is there godly intention behind them or have I slipped into obligatory goal-setting to prove myself?

I hoping and working toward the former. That my goals would be steps of faith. That I would be actively pursuing the life God is calling me to.

Here’s a wrap up of my goals for December: 

– Create a system for writing that is a) realistic and b) life-giving and not obligatory. Done! I sat down last weekend, looked at my schedule and blocked off one set chunk of time to brainstorm, write and dream during the week. I also blocked off a 2nd, backup time. I would like to write a little bit each day- even if it’s only journaling- and produce 6-8 blog posts a month. 

– Finish reading A Moveable Feast. Begin reading The Sun Also Rises.  Done! I am loving my little Hemingway kick right now. A Moveable Feast I loved- hearing from Hemingway’s perspective on Paris and his early days of writing made me want to move there and camp out in cafes all day. And I’m LOVING The Sun Also Rises- such great storytelling. Can’t wait to finish it. 

– Not wait until the week before Christmas to buy gifts- don’t give in to the stress that our culture often associates with the holidays. Done! Feel really good about my gift choices this year. They were done early, and were socially conscious purchases. 

– Exercise at least 2 times a week. I think I MOSTLY did this goal, but I fell off a bit the last few weeks with exercise. Getting out of the house and moving around is just so good for my body, mind and soul. I start to feel my mood drop when I go too long without being active. This is an on-going goal for me. 

– Cut out social media on the weekends- be present with the life happening around me. Same as above. I feel pretty decent about this goal. There were a few times that I began scrolling through Instagram out of habit, but for the most part I consciously tried to avoid social media on weekends. I think I’m going to continue this one also. 

– Carry on my family tradition of making sand tarts. Done! And it was so much fun. My mom ended up coming into town, and it became a family affair. My brother and sister joined in on the fun also. They were delicious and fun to carry on the tradition with my family. 

And here’s where I hope to put my energy in January: 

– I received The Artist’s Way for Christmas. It’s a 12-week self-guided workshop to uncovering your creativity. I want to start that this month.

– Purchase a nice camera: the first step to upping my photography skills.

– Complete my 2014 Annual Review. I found a template for an annual review last year, and loved it. It’s a guideline to help you think big picture about what you want this year to look like, what are your desires, your dreams, and then gives you the framework to plan out how to get there. It’s simple, but eye-opening. The template I use can be found here if you want to check it out!

– Finish A Sun Also Rises. Find a good fiction book to read next. I’m thinking maybe this.

– Have a “dreaming” date with Taylor.

– Limit alcohol and desserts to the weekends. A little holiday cleanse 🙂

Your turn: I’d love to hear your goals for the month!