themes for summer: part I

lindsay2 Comments

As summer is rolling in, I feel like life has finally settled down. I feel ok saying it’s slowed down to the point where I’m actually able to begin processing the last couple years of my life. What a concept, right? For roughly two years, I’ve felt like life has just happened. Major life changes and events were occurring, and there’s me just swimming along, desperately trying to keep my head above water. Don’t misunderstand me- I’m not saying these events were all bad. I’m saying it’s been A LOT. For an introvert, and someone who needs a significant amount of time to understand what my heart is doing and feeling, these seasons tend to cause a little anxiety. And I’ve been all busy trying not to drown and couldn’t find the time to address it. It’s like I’ve been holding my breath for about 26 months, and I’m finally starting to release it.. little by little.

I’m typically an all or nothing girl. But lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that this might not be the healthiest.. or most effective way to live. I’ll have grand plans or giant dreams that I never take any action towards because I can never figure out how to do all of the things, all of the time. Inevitably, there’s not enough time or energy to make it all happen. I can’t figure out how I could possibly do Step Z, so I end up abandoning the dream as an impossibility before I even try Step A.

As the dust has settled in the last month, three major themes keep popping up in my thoughts, conversations and readings. This is unusual for me, since most of the time my mind is like a pinball machine, bouncing a tiny silver ball around and around with no clear direction or focus (Because I have to think about all of the things, all of the time). So, I’ve decided to try actually paying attention to those themes, since they have somehow managed to become louder than the pinball machine. I’ve decided to work on the art of taking small steps. Of focusing on a few things at a time, biting off small pieces, instead of attempting to stuff an entire slice of pizza in my mouth all at once. We all know how that ends.

Take for example, this post. Originally as I was thinking through how I wanted to write about all this, I thought it would be best to do it all at once. Get it done. Wrap it up. Make it happen and then move on. But that wouldn’t do these ideas justice. Each one is significant and has its own story attached to it. So I decided to write about them one at a time, and fight against my desire to do all of the things, all at the same time. I decided to fight against my temptation to want instant results, which ironically leads me to the first main theme…

Patience. 

Last night, two of our good friends got married. To each other. It was just wonderful. There were so many people we loved there to celebrate, and we tore up the dance floor. Obviously. Josh and Natalie are maybe the most joyful, genuine, sincere couple I’ve ever been around, and it was so refreshing to watch them take in every second of the night.

Like I said, we raged. *Photo by Ryan Lear.
Like I said, we raged. *Photo by Ryan Lear.

Josh’s father, Larry, is a pastor and performed the ceremony. Everyone always told me he is a great speaker, and now I know why. His explanation of how a husband and wife love each other inside of marriage is one of the best I’ve ever heard. He described that love as three movements: the first looking at each other, the second looking at the horizon, and the third looking outward. Each movement had a characteristic attached that he called pivotal to your love growing deeper. When looking at each other, forgiveness is key. When looking outward, spending quality time with each other is key. And when looking at the horizon, patience is key.

The act of looking to the horizon, with your partner by your side is one of looking to the future, asking God what part you play in his will, where He’s taking you. But he’s taking you there as a couple, not as individuals. Two completely different people, two completely different upbringings and backgrounds and world views and thought processes. Two completely separate reactions to the same situation. And God, in his grace, is making you one and taking you to the same place. It’s no wonder why patience is key- that is going to be a long, and often difficult journey.

Just so we’re all on the same page..

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Well. Based on this definition, it’s safe to say patience is not one of my strong suits. The second definition is what does me in: an ability to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. Heck, I got annoyed with Taylor earlier because we were 7 minutes late to dinner. And don’t even get me started on how restless I’ve been lately. I have dreams, dammit, and I want to be living all of them. Right now.

You see, I want to be at that place on the horizon. And God is showing me is that I lack patience to endure the journey that will get us there. Yikes.

Larry referenced an African proverb in last night’s ceremony that says,

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. 

So often, I trick myself into thinking I would rather go fast. Oh, but when I really think about it, that’s the last thing I want. The last thing I want is to “achieve” something, reach all my goals, and realize I have no one to share it with. No one who knows what I’ve been through, no one’s stories that I know. I’ve always wanted a partner, and I’m so thankful for Taylor. I’m so thankful that we get to journey through life together, but it has become clear to me even in our first five months of marriage that the journey will require patience.

Patience with each other, and with ourselves. The ability to endure our faults and the healing that comes with them, to endure life’s hardships without complaint. The ability to have a quiet, steady perseverance that in the end will lead us to much greater joy than having all of the things.

afterlight

Too often I forget that we’re only 24.. that Taylor and I have barely been a couple for a year. I expect us to have it all figured out. I am impatient. Impatient with myself, impatient with Taylor, impatient with circumstances. Somewhere along the line, I got it in my head that God’s love is performance based. That’s a lie straight from hell, but it’s one that I battle daily. When I believe that lie, I set unrealistically high expectations for myself, and then get impatient with my inability to adhere to my own fabricated standards. I frantically compare myself to anyone and everyone. I get impatient because I don’t believe I am enough, that I’m doing enough… as if God’s acceptance of me could possibly be based on my own merit.

My ability to be patient is directly tied to believing the gospel: I offended the Holy God, and the price to be paid was death. To reach resolution in a conflict, someone has to give. It should’ve been me, but instead God gave me Jesus and completely absorbed the cost of my sin through his death on the cross. When I am believing that my worth is based on that truth, and not on my performance, I can rest. I can be still. I can endure. I can patiently wait on the Lord because I know He has not forsaken me. He had a chance to, and instead he pursued me. I don’t have to strive to earn anything back. I did not lose his love.

So this summer, I’m focusing on patience. With myself, with Taylor, with friends, with circumstances, with our marriage and most of all with God. I’m focusing on enduring with people, and recognizing that life truly is a journey meant to be lived out and experienced little by little. I’m working on listening more to what Jesus says about me, and less to the lies in my head. On giving myself grace, and being still, believing that I am enough because of Jesus. I’m choosing to trust in God’s timing, wait patiently on Him, and ask him to move in my heart and life, instead of trying to do all of the things.. all of the time.

summer in the city: fishing at st. edwards park

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Saturdays have become play days for Taylor and I. Our schedules are structured a little differently during the week, and  that is the one day neither one of us has to work. We’ve learned to take advantage of this day, which more times than not means you will find us outside, with a packed lunch, hammock, frisbee, books and fly-fishing rods.

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It’s an understatement to say that being outside is a non-negotiable for my well-being. Really, it’s unbelievable how much better I feel about life after a good day in the sun. I love walking in my apartment, tired and dirty, smelling like the outside. It might be one of the most satisfying feelings I’ve experienced- just knowing that I pumped a little life into myself, that I did something healthy for my heart and soul, as well as my body.

Last Saturday was one of those good days. It was beautiful- low 90’s, a cool breeze, and the sun decided to take turns with the clouds.. giving you just enough time to cool off before it warmed you again with its rays. On one adventure last summer, Taylor and I found a wonderful swimming hole at St. Edwards Park. There were little rapids, a rope swing and a great flat area on the bank to hang out if you needed some downtime. We headed back there this Saturday, dreams of playing on that rope swing dancing in our minds.

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We began hiking down the trail to the creek, armed and ready with lunches, water bottles, fishing gear, a hammock and Ernest Hemingway. The trail was beautiful, littered with cactus and bright red and yellow flowers that scream Texas summer. After hiking for about 20 minutes, we found a spot to set up shop on a little island in between a fork in the creek. I began scoping out a reading spot where I could work on my tan, and Taylor immediately walked into the creek and began fishing.

If there’s one thing you should know about my husband, it’s that he loves fishing more than most things on earth. He will probably tell you one of the greatest moments of his life happened last year during our trip to Colorado. His family has a cabin in South Fork, and the Rio Grande River runs right through their property. Basically, it’s a fisherman’s dream. One evening, we put on waders and headed down to the river. Taylor fished, and I just stood next to him, waist deep in the river, and watched. It was so peaceful, so beautiful, so quiet. We used up every ounce of daylight, and just as the sun was setting Taylor caught a fish. By a fisherman’s standard, it wasn’t the best outing. But for Taylor, doing the thing that feeds his soul with the person he cared about most meant the world to him.

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Since we’ve been dating, Taylor has talked about teaching me to fly-fish. I’ve always given the semi-hesitant response of, “Ok, yea! Sometime… ” I’ve never really fished before and for some reason wasn’t exactly chomping at the bit to learn. I knew that Taylor loved it, but I didn’t have a reference for why. Finally, last Saturday, I decided it was time. I did say I was going to live it up this summer, didn’t I?

So, after a few hours of warming myself up to the idea… I watched Taylor fish for a while, we ate lunch, I read Wild by Cheryl Strayed for an hour… and then picked up a fly-rod and went to find my teacher. I was a little nervous as we found a spot, and he started showing me the basic motion of casting a rod. Mostly, I was nervous because I don’t like to fail. I like to be good at things.. really good. For example, if I played baseball I would be the type of player who tries to hit a home run every time up to bat. And fishing is a lot like baseball. You tend to get out more often than you get a base hit. But the thing is, if you never swing the bat you have zero chance of hitting the ball, much less hitting a home run. Taylor gave me a similar piece of advice on Saturday,

If you never put the fly on the water, you’ll never catch a fish. 

You can dream, and read, and learn, and think about casting as much as you want. You can false-cast (a new term I learned) forever, but if you never let the fly hit the water, you will never catch a fish. So, I started casting, learning to flick my wrist, trying to make adjustments in my movements at Taylor’s suggestions. Everything was going great. I hadn’t caught a fish, but I was proud of myself for learning. I was getting a little tired, and had surrendered myself to not catching a fish that day. It was my first time, after all, and I was content. Then, after a particularly unimpressive cast I was pulling the line back in, and felt a tug. I pulled the line back, and all of a sudden it was being dragged left and right by nothing less than a FISH. I began pulling in the line, and Taylor showed me how to grab the fish from the head so I didn’t get poked by his fins. We took out the hook, and then let the little guy go back in the water. My face was beaming. I caught my first fish! A few minutes later, I caught another one, much in the same fashion. And at that moment, I realized why sometimes, when Taylor is fishing, he doesn’t come home until it’s dark outside. You fall in love with the rhythm of it. One more fish.. just one more. And before you know it, you’ve lost track of time and dinner has been ready for 30 minutes. I get it a little more now.

I’m so glad I spent last Saturday learning how to fish. I’m so glad that I understand my husband a little bit more because of it, and now that’s something we can do together. I’m so glad that I came home muddy and wet and smelling like fish and the outdoors. My heart was full. All I had to do was have the courage to put the fly on the water.

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the arbonne girls

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If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know that sometimes I can get a little fired up on issues I care about. Ok ok, most of the time I can get a lot fired up on issues I care about. Usually these topics are like, you know… the gospel, giving people their dignity, enjoying the outdoors, sharing stories, caring for hurting people, really great books.

But yesterday, I found myself feeling a little passionately toward something I would’ve never expected…

Beauty products.

That’s right. Beauty products. If you know me, you’re probably falling out of your chair laughing right now. I barely wear makeup. I try to take care of my skin, but it’s not.. let’s say.. the top of my priority list. Heck, I used to backpack in the mountains for six days at a time without showering and be all good. Beauty products are not something I would’ve expected to get fired up about… but alas, here we are.

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My good friend, Lucy, is a consultant for the Swiss cosmetic brand, Arbonne. Last night,  a small group gathered at my friend Katie’s house for a party to hear more about the brand. We drank wine, ate fancy cheese and sampled products while Lucy made our jaws drop with facts about the cosmetic industry in the U.S. and what makes Arbonne products different. I will get to the astonishing facts in a second.

First, for those of you unfamiliar with Arbonne, they produce pure, safe and beneficial cosmetics and skin & body care products. The company is committed to developing unparalleled products free of harmful ingredients, using a combination of botanical principles and green chemistry. Everything Arbonne sells is dermatologist tested, which means an actual dermatologist used the product on their own skin before approving it. In addition, their direct marketing business model cuts out the middle-man and allows you to deal with an independent consultant, or the company directly, when ordering. Ultimately, this results in you receiving a higher quality product for the same price you would pay for makeup at a department store.

Lucy, blowing our minds with her knowledge.
Lucy, blowing our minds with her knowledge.

If you need a little more convincing, here are few specific ways Arbonne is different from the most popular U.S. cosmetic brands (this is the part of Lucy’s presentation where my jaw dropped):

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  • If you see a product labeled “hypo-allergenic” on the shelf, that means out of 10 people tested in the U.S.,up to four may have had an allergic reaction to it. When one person has an allergic reaction to an Arbonne product, they go back to the beginning. The product continues to be re-worked until zero out of 10 people tested experience a reaction.
  • Many cosmetics and skin care products in the U.S. are “dermatologist approved.” Think you’re in the clear? Not so. All this means is a doctor gave the product a once-over, and decided it was good to go. Everything Arbonne sells is “dermatologist tested.” An actual dermatologist used the actual product on their actual body.
  •  If you don’t have a strong stomach, you might want to skip this bullet point. Ever heard of a rendering plant? I hadn’t either until yesterday, and I still wish I hadn’t heard about it. Ignorance is bliss… kind of. A rendering plant is the place where all the animal and food waste from say… roadkill or cafeterias… go. It all gets melted down, and creates a really lovely oil substance. Turns out that oil is a great “filler” ingredient and the U.S. cosmetic industry is one of the top three buyers. Think about that for a second….. seriously. This is what we’re putting on our skin.

As a society, we have become pretty conscious about the food we’re putting in our bodies. We should be the same amount of conscious about the soaps, creams, and lotions we’re putting on our bodies. Our skin is the largest organ we have, and whatever we put on it is absorbed directly into our bloodstream. Kind of a big deal.

As you can probably tell, I’m a little fired up. But I’m not the only one. You know who else is? My dear friend, Kate. She is an avid supporter of Arbonne products (her skin looks great, by the way), and her hilarious commentary had us laughing all night.

Kate doing her hand quotations while describing an experience with a "natural" product that turned out to be not so natural.
Kate doing her hand quotations while describing an experience with a “natural” product that turned out to be not so natural.

It would be a crime for me to not share some of it with you. I’m no criminal, so here we go:

“It just feels so clean. It’s like I don’t even want to rub it in with my dirty hand.”

“Guys, the other night after I photographed a wedding for 8 hours, my face was still glowing.”

“I would not want neck wrinkles. I changed the way I sleep because I don’t want neck wrinkles. I trained myself to sleep on my back.”

“After I found out what was in my chapstick, I seriously thought, I’m going to get cancer on my lips.”

“If you were in an airport, would you rather be the girl who’s wearing pajamas and looks tired? Or would you want to be the sassy, attractive 50-year old who has on a cute outfit and a matching suitcase? By then, you’ll want to match.”

“Why not look snazzy and snappy in your 50s?”

“I’m looking forward to the future.”

“We should be called the Arbonne Girls.”

In case you’re wondering, Kate is awesome. And she really really loves Arbonne.

Let’s be clear: I could care less about makeup. Really, most days I could go without wearing any and be perfectly content. But, whether it’s my face wash or my lunch, I do care about making sure what I’m putting in my body is healthy. It’s the only one I’ve got, after all. And I am completely fine with supporting a well-run company that holds itself to high standards, sells natural products and keeps the well-being of the consumer top of mind. Getting to support my friend Lucy in her endeavors is an added bonus.

I left our party yesterday wanting every product in the catalog. Unfortunately, that doesn’t fit in my budget so I’m going to take it one product at a time. I am, however, committing to a more natural way of caring for my skin, especially in how I treat my face. Here’s my routine:

Night:

  • Wash my face with baking soda. Mix a sprinkle of baking soda with a few drops of water to create a nice scrub.
  • Apple Cider Vinegar acts as my toner and astringent.
  • Moisturize with Coconut Oil. I also use this oil for an overall body lotion. Grape Seed Oil works as well if you prefer.

Morning:

  • Rinse my face with water, but don’t scrub. Believe it or not, naturally produced oils are healthy for your skin.

Kate refers to this as “the poor man’s Arbonne.” It’s true, and it’s also worked pretty well for me. You should give it a try while you’re saving up for your first Arbonne purchase. I think mine will be the tinted moisturizer with SPF….

*If you’re interested in trying Arbonne for yourself, my friend Lucy Lawson would love to help. Send her an email at lucymlawson@gmail.com. 

*Learn more about Arbonne by visiting their website, www.arbonne.com

*DISCLAIMER: I was not solicited to post about this topic, and received no payment or benefit from Arbonne as a result of writing about their company.