I’m 28, but this is the first time I’ve had an actual lunch break at my job. A lunch break other than an eat-at-your-desk-while-you-really-just-keep-working lunch break. I’d highly recommend it.
Typically, I eat outside to get away from the hustle around my desk, and to let my brain air out for an hour. Most of the time, I bring a book.
Today was rainy, so I found a spot inside to read one of my current books, Present Over Perfect. (Sidenote: if you haven’t checked out this book, you should. It’s been changing my view on life big time). It’s all about slowing down, and giving up striving and proving for a life of connection and purpose. It’s about giving up the desire to be the best, to be everything, in order to show up for your actual life and dig deep into the people and work that are right in front of you. The particular chapter I read today talked about prayer, and how we approach God. The writer confessed that she struggles with asking for help in prayer because she doesn’t think she deserves to be helped.
I’m not sure about you, but I completely related to that. It’s a “you dug your grave, now lie in it” attitude about prayer. I struggle to pray about things I deem not worthy of God’s attention, and it helps me feel like I’m the one in control, like I can handle it, when really all I’m doing is building a wall between my heart and Jesus (the Jesus who loves me like crazy, and is my help). This sentence struck me the most:
“In the same way that I didn’t allow myself to be taken care of by people, I didn’t know how to let myself be taken care of by God.”
It hit me because Taylor and I have been walking through a hard season. We’re exhausted, having hard conversations, and grappling with expectations and failure. There’s a lot of unknown, a lot of battling fear, a lot of tears. Through it all, our friends have rallied around us. I’m beyond thankful for our community. But, I’ve noticed that I’m not great at accepting help from others. My tendency is to buckle down and push through. It’s something I’ve noticed, and something I’m working on in this season of learning to slow down: stop, listen, accept, receive. Be.
I’m thankful for an hour of reading, for words that speak life to my soul. I’m thankful that Jesus meets me in my office break room to remind me I’m loved, and to challenge me with what it looks like to let myself be taken care of by people, and by Him.
P.S. I’m also really thankful for that Steak, Quinoa & Kale Salad from ALC Steaks you see in the picture because DELICIOUS.